Bouncing Back from Victory
Victories are special moments that we all savor. Whether it’s winning an athletic contest, getting an “A” on a test, or closing a deal…a victory moment is validating. Such moments are like road signs signifying that you are on the right path to success. But, like those set-back moments of defeat, victory too needs to be put in the rear view mirror in order to keep growing.Right out of college I put my economics degree to work by entering the financial industry in a sales role. Early in my training I was taught that you need to put habits of success to work each day in order to finally catch the carrot of financial freedom that dangled at the end of the stick. If you’ve worked in financial sales, you know the habits of success that I’m writing about have less to do with secret professional development tools and more to do with cold calling a long list of leads each day. The long awaited victory may have launched his reputation, but unfortunately it short-circuited his drive. One day, my fellow newbies and I witnessed an associate haul in a whale of a sale that we dreamed of eventually landing. As the days followed, my co-worker’s reputation became renowned, while his time in the office grew scarce. Apparently, his big sale had become an arrival point for him, instead of a data point. Eventually, it became apparent to us all that his big win had derailed his process for success. The long awaited victory may have launched his reputation, but unfortunately it short-circuited his drive. In the book Great by Choice, Jim Collins writes about this unfortunate impasse of success by observing that, “success comes from different behaviors, not different circumstances (2011).” If we allow the circumstance of victory to alter the behavior that led up to the outcome, then it’s all a loss. Take Note All You Champions: When it comes to our professional growth, if not careful, yesterday’s successes will make us tomorrow’s memories if we don’t bounce back from victory. Win Today! Victor
A New Guy on the Field
We are excited to announce that Coach Victor Santa Cruz is joining Iron Coaching. Coach has partnered with us throughout his head coaching career and has been at the forefront of using emotional intelligence principles to build high performing and cohesive teams. We look forward to tapping into his boundless energy and ideas about how to improve how we coach and operate our small boutique firm. His first contribution is naming our new Blog – “Practice Notes”. Get to Know Coach Santa Cruz Victor aims to help his clients master the people skills that cultivate winning. He is fanatical about developing the champion within the individual as they strive to lead a group of diverse individuals to success. Throughout his professional life, Victor has excelled in opportunities that demanded vision, culture creation, belonging, and blue-collar grit. This background provides the lens he takes to client engagements. Building champions while pursuing championships Victor’s philosophy is that the business of college football is no different from a dynamic nonprofit or growing corporation. It’s all about the fundamentals, win/loss record, recruiting, data fluency, critical decision making, and executing initiatives that align with strategic goals. He understands the tremendous pressure organizational leaders face and maybe even more since his big moments came exclusively on Saturday nights with fans watching. Most college football coaches define success by the numbers. That’s equally as important to Victor, as his track record attests. What set him apart from his peers was his ability to transfer the best business practices for attracting, developing, and retaining diverse talent. He took to heart lessons he learned while receiving a Master’s in Organizational Leadership – the most crucial is the need for individualizing coaching and instruction to the learner and recognizing the need to help his players, coaches, and staff be more emotionally intelligent. In his free time Victor enjoys surfing, fishing, and hanging out with his wife Jamie and their three kids; Deuce, Izabella, and Levi. Follow Coach on Twitter @vscwintoday
It’s OK to be uncomfortable.
It’s hard to overcome the human desire to remain comfortable, even when something isn’t working for us anymore. – We keep in the safe lane versus taking a calculated risk. – We stay at jobs that aren’t fulfilling. – We avoid difficult conversations in pursuit of harmony. Since growth is my thing, I wrote a piece for Mortgage Women Magazine on strategies to overcome the resistance to new technologies and tools. Embracing change ultimately will differentiate the “modern mortgage professional” (kudos to Dave Savage for his wisdom) from, dare I say, the relic. I can relate to that. My version of this was the belief that my multi-modal in-person and phone coaching sessions suited me just fine. Zoom was “so impersonal.” Truth be told, I was comfortable and resisting change. Covid, for me and many others, created the pain that made adopting new technology and ways of engaging with clients a necessity. It wasn’t comfortable at first. I didn’t like staring at my face, and I had to work harder to discern the nuances that I easily detect in person. Now that we are two years into distance “businessing” and hybrid work is here to stay, I’m grateful for that Covid push. Though I mourn that I won’t be sharing space with clients as frequently, I’ve adapted and am open to exploring other digital platforms that broaden my potential to help others. I continue to learn that discomfort is a signal and encourage you to do the same. If you pay attention, be curious, and are open about your feelings and the basis of your fear, you activate the part of your brain that takes on challenges. The first step (either willingly or out of necessity) creates momentum. And before you know it, you’ve changed.
Three Listening Hurdles You Can Overcome
Effective listening is at the heart of communication. We listen more than read, write, or speak, yet research shows we listen with 25% efficiency. Not surprisingly, “be a better listener” frequently shows up as a top coaching goal for my clients who want to transform how they work through greater emphasis on relationships. To help my clients improve their listening skills, we first explore what’s getting in the way of listening. They find it’s beneficial to identify the habits they want to stop or manage while they are defining new ones to fill the gap. Three particular behaviors cause them to be less effective listeners. Anticipating We hear the speaker’s words and sounds but focus on what we think they will say. I’ve worked with well-meaning leaders who fall into this trap. Having “been there done that,” they believe an employee tells them something they already know. Wanting to be helpful and expedient (emphasis on the latter), they fail to listen effectively and miss a development opportunity to engage their employee in problem-solving and decision making. Judging This habit involves jumping to conclusions about the person or what they are saying. This habit often plagues confident leaders with strong opinions and a competitive nature who quickly assess the “opposition” and formulate a strategy. By concluding too soon versus remaining curious and open, this leader may squelch promising ideas or potentially set the stage for a defensive response. Reacting emotionally We all experience triggers of some form, and the subsequent release of stress hormones in our brain guarantees that we won’t listen well. Even when we think we are listening – it’s words and sounds. Stress and scarcity are common triggers for us all, but we typically experience an emotional trigger when something we value is at risk. Whether we respond assertively “in their face” or passively, there are emotions at work that keep us from listening. Do any of these seem familiar? As we navigate the world of work and relationships, we all experience these challenges and have “non-listening” tendencies. Understanding yours requires awareness, reflection, and feedback. An excellent place to start is to ask people you trust; colleagues, friends, a partner, a child, or a spouse what they experience conversing with you. Ask what advice they have for you to improve your listening. Hear what they have to say (no anticipating, judging, or reacting emotionally) and say thank you! (props to Marshall Goldsmith’s feedforward approach). Put their recommendations into practice and notice the impact.
Excuse Me, Your Red is Leaking on my Blue
US employees spend 3 ½ hours per week resolving workplace conflict costing $358B in lost productivity. When I share this stat, clients often smirk and say, “only 3 1/2 hours?” The top reasons for conflict include mismatched priorities, miscommunication, and differing expectations regarding deadlines. The studies rarely call out a big culprit – conflict based on personality. In the vernacular of the Core Strengths assessment we use at Iron Coaching, it’s when my Red (or Green or Blue) leaks on your Blue (or Green or Red). Regardless of style, unintentional conflict occurs when we fail to acknowledge the power of our motives and how they bias our perceptions of others (and vice versa). The good news is that we can reduce this type of conflict with awareness, commitment, and practice. You may know the scenario. You’ve called a meeting with your team to discuss an important project. As one team member confidently presents her assessment of the situation and high-level plan of attack, another team member starts to ask questions. At first, the presenter answers succinctly, but when it’s clear that the other person still needs details, the presenter’s demeanor changes from polite to curt. Then, clearly irritated, she finishes and sits silently through the rest of the meeting. Others present a few more ideas, but in the end, buy-in fails, and one member of the team leaves miffed. That’s not only unproductive. It’s counterproductive! Relational conflict often occurs unintentionally. Let’s look beneath the surface. Our presenter is motivated by getting things done, and she uses her persuasiveness, confidence, and risk-taking nature to accomplish her goals. On the other hand, her colleague is equally committed to achieving the goal but feels more comfortable considering facts, analyzing alternatives, and taking a measured decision-making approach. She questions our presenter to gain understanding with no intention of creating conflict. Too many questions push our presenter out of her comfort zone and away from her motive – and ZING, her brain unconsciously thinks THREAT, and conflict occurs. How does one minimize or prevent unintentional conflict? 1. Recognize and own your conflict style. Our feeling that something is at risk is tied to our sense of purpose and deeply held motivations. A trigger sets off a sequence of feelings, thoughts, and needs manifesting (in the simplest form) in behaviors that reflect three personas. The Commander takes charge and goes for the win. The Analyst takes a cautious stance and gathers data. The Peacekeeper focuses on harmony and people’s emotional needs. Some people consistently favor one persona, while others may fluctuate between two or all three depending on the situation. The more self-aware you are about your conflict style, the easier it is to self-regulate when triggered and stay focused on listening, learning, decision-making, and problem-solving. Taking 100% responsibility for this aspect of your personality plants you in reality and allows you to respond in stressful situations versus react. 2. Intelligently use your strengths. We tell clients that there is no such thing as a weakness – it’s an overutilized or unmanaged strength. Are you analytical – but sometimes overdo this by getting “too deep into the weeds”? Does your competitive nature often click into overdrive (i.e., always have to be right)? Are you so helpful that you do things for people versus equipping them to do for themselves? Assessments provide language to describe your strengths, and the one we use identifies what you Overdo at work. A more straightforward method is to list your strengths and accept that it has a darker twin people will experience. Cautious will seem cool to others. Social will seem intrusive. Persuasive will seem abrasive. Awareness and, most importantly, acceptance of this aspect of yourself is empowering. 3. Make adjustments. Armed with an awareness of your strengths and conflict style, identify patterns of behavior you may need to adjust to lessen the likelihood that unintentional conflict can take its toll. The scenario I described might not have happened had our presenter acknowledged (internally) that questions weren’t a threat to her idea. By adjusting her perspective, she could answer the questions without feeling defensive or (even better) invite feedback along the way. …in every interaction where there was conflict; we had an opportunity to escalate or de-escalate a situation A client of mine earned his team’s praise for role modeling an enviable calm and presence in the face of tremendous workplace and personal challenges. His secret? Before his corporate career, he worked in the Federal corrections system as a guard. He relayed a life lesson he learned there I continue to remember and pass on, “…in every interaction where there was conflict; we had an opportunity to escalate or de-escalate a situation. ” Though our work choices don’t typically result in bodily injury or riot, the high cost of unintentional conflict is sapping focus, hindering creativity, and disconnecting employees and teams. Equip yourself and your teams with self-knowledge that fuels better choices and helps us direct energy towards productive and purposeful ends.
How to Know if Your Busy is “Bad Busy”
The conversation goes like this, “How’s it going?” “Busy, but it’s a good busy.” “Beats the alternative. “”Yep.” For anyone who relies on customers or clients or any form of transaction to make a living, busyness is genuinely a good thing. It’s confirmation that what we provide to the marketplace fills a need, is useful, has value, and in many cases, helps us make a difference in the world. As a coach, I spend a lot of time with successful people who want to be better leaders. If you were a fly on the wall in my sessions, you’d hear that lack of time is one of their biggest challenges. So why is it that based on 360 feedback I conduct with their peers and direct reports, some leaders “make it look easy” while others fall victim to their calendar, commitments, and responsibilities? As we unpack the challenges and create new strategies to manage the collateral damage that busyness can inflict, clients learn to be on guard for signs that their busyness is becoming “bad” busy. 1. You don’t start your day with intention. Firefighting is not a time management technique, no matter if things get done. Starting your day with intention means having an aim and a plan. It involves creating a positive ritual – something that you are drawn to and provides a host of benefits (much like brushing your teeth). Those who don’t let busy turn into “bad” busy follow a plan that includes… Reflection. Frame your “to-do” list as a “get to do” list to cultivate gratitude for what the day brings, no matter how routine it may seem. Deepak Chopra starts his day by asking himself, “how can I have the most joyful day.” Studies show that starting our day with positive thoughts rewires our brain circuitry and conditions it to see obstacles as challenges to overcome versus threats to defend and protect ourselves against. Connecting to a purpose. It’s helpful to ask ourselves regularly… “What will I do today to advance the goals I’m trying to reach? “This can be something as simple as reviewing your quarterly sales goals. It might be taking time to reconsider a troubling situation and ask yourself how you might approach it through the lens of your core values. Priming yourself each day helps your subconscious to do its magic. Identifying the day’s priorities. We can’t manage time, but we can control what we do with our time. Identify 3 specific tasks based on the importance that need to get done. Plan for tomorrow. Once you’ve wrapped up the day, look ahead to the next. Look at your calendar and make sure that you have time for the tasks you need to accomplish. If there are time gaps, write down what you intend to do, like going to the gym or running errands. Even though you might not work in an environment that mandates a break… schedule them in. 2. Your edges are sharper. Some personalities react to additional responsibilities with a “let’s take this challenge head-on” approach that can frustrate, discourage, and upset those they lead. Instead of equipping and encouraging their team to handle the increased workload, they find themselves dictating, demanding, and fault-finding. People stop asking for help or avoid conversations. None of this is very productive when performance and productivity are needed the most. In the book, The Power of Full Engagement, the authors write that there are four kinds of energy: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, and that energy is the central currency of high performance. Every thought, feeling, and action has an energy consequence. I use this framework with clients whose negative emotional energy gets revved up when they’ve taken too much. I ask them to think about themselves as a type of a boat and pay attention to the wake they are creating as they operate in their hyper-busy mode. It’s powerful imagery that quickly makes a point. Are you tipping boats over with your wake? 3. “I’m busy” becomes your excuse. We all go through phases in which our commitments outweigh the hours in a day. Month-end. A product launch. The 24 hours before we are supposed to go on vacation. We are genuinely busy and have good reasons why. But sometimes we miss meetings, don’t prepare as we should, or forget a significant milestone, and when called out, our defense becomes, “I’m so busy.” A recent feedback provider for a client stated, “He comes across like he is the busiest and most stressed person in the organization. If his excuse for his behavior is he is too busy or stressed, he needs to do less.” Wisdom. Thankfully my client recognized that he was at the center of his busyness storm and is working toward improvement. Though he can’t control the volume of tasks associated with a business that’s growing at 20%, he can ask, “Is this the highest and best use of my time? “The upside is that he has been able to empower his team further and allow them to learn and contribute in meaningful ways. When business is good, the busyness will increase. Vigilant leaders stay focused on the practices to manage the overwhelm. What are signs you know you’ve got bad busy, and what do you do?
3 Things Successful Leaders Always Have on Their Calendar
Time is your most valuable leadership currency. You can’t manufacture it, but you can ensure that your calendar reflects investments that pay the highest dividends. Time with the Customers Sounds obvious, right? Yet many of my clients only talk to customers when there is a problem. Or they listen to what their marketing department tells them about their ” ideal target.” Not that either is wrong, it’s that these types of interactions often lead to a limited perspective or false conclusions. Consistently set aside time to know your customers – what they need, their problems, and how your product or service fits into their world. Do site visits, join sales meetings, or host them at conferences. Take the feedback and insights and do something with it. Frequent Conversations with Direct Reports Note the word “conversations” versus meetings. Create followership by investing, nurturing, and maintaining relationships with your staff. It’s more important than ever to understand the people who work for you – what motivates them, what challenges them, and their ideas and feedback. Hearing their stories (and sharing yours too) builds trust and signals that the ”boss” is human. Make it a point to schedule conversations… weekly or bi-weekly. If this hasn’t been your habit, you may need to position it positively. Call it a “regular effort to be more engaged.” If you already meet consistently, but you are all business, make it a point to be more conversational. Ask a high-value question like, ” how can I do a better job of supporting you?” or ” what are some things you’d like me to know about you?”. Unscheduled Time Ahh, white space (also known as margin). It may seem counterintuitive if one defines productive as “more (fill in the blank) is better.” However, regular downtime is a key to sustainable productivity. Physiologically, emotionally, and mentally, our brain needs it. Unscheduled time (or even a 10-minute break every 2 hours) creates a gap that allows you to regroup, focus, and take a few deep breaths. Better yet, take a walk or even a nap (lots of famous leaders did that too!) I regularly repeat the mantra, ” the more I slow down, the faster I go, ” and you know what, it’s true.